Why Hinata never takes her coat off
by MikeJV37
Summary: A series of One-shots about the hidden, and humorous, side of Naruto and shinobi life in general.
1. Why Hinata never takes her coat off

Why Hinata never takes her coat off

By: MikeJV37

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Author's Note: This is a 1-shot and doesn't take place within any of my fics, it's totally separate and done for fun. As to the approx timeline in canon, sometime between the Wave Arc and Chuunin Exams. Hope you enjoy, please R&R. Oh, this, and all the following chapters and One-shots have been edited and re-posted.

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===Afternoon, Fire Country, Eastern Region===

It had started as a dream come true for Hinata, Teams 7 and 8 had been paired together for a C-Rank Mission set to last 2 weeks, and it was now day 10. She'd been teamed with Naruto for a scouting mission, she searched with her Byakuugan, he was the backup in case of trouble, and they'd found it. They ran into a group of 6 low level rogue Chuunin. Despite her current condition she was proud of herself, she'd taken down 2 of them with her Juuken techniques, but the leader was better than expected and had given her a good beating, and worse for her, nearly shredded her coat, she was very glad she had on her armored shirt beneath it, the only places it was damaged was her arms, with only minor cuts to her, but she was low on chakra. Her arms covered her body as a Naruto Shadow Clone had helped her to a large tree, and before returning to the fight had said he was proud of her and given her a hug. She'd almost fainted.

"This is for you Hinata-chan... MULTI-SHADOW CLONE JUTSU!" Naruto screamed the last part in rage as he attacked the only enemy left, the leader, like an orange Tsunami.

As she quickly wrapped her arms and body in bandages she was smiling ear-to-ear. '_Naruto-kun is protecting me!_' Hinata thought happily, she just hoped he hadn't got a good look at her.

Just as she finished a minute later, a tired looking Naruto walked over to her. "A,are you okay N,Naruto?" Hinata asked, only stuttering a little.

"I'm fine, are you all right, you have a lot of bandages, do you need me to carry you?" Naruto asked, concerned she was seriously hurt.

Hinata's face turned red as she lost the power of speech. Smiling like an idiot she just nodded. She barely held herself together when he scooped her up in his arms, bridal style, she wrapped her arms around his neck as he took off toward camp a lot faster than she expected, but wasn't really surprised. She knew how strong Naruto was and that he'd die before he'd let her fall, he always protected his friends and never gave up, it was why she loved him with all her heart.

===8 Minutes Later, Their Campsite===

Naruto landed in the clearing and looked around. "Is anyone here, Hinata's been hurt!" Naruto yelled.

No one answered.

"It's okay Naruto, I can walk. Th,there's a stream about 20 yards away... Byakuugan!" Hinata said, activating her Kekkei Genkai and scanned the area before deactivating it. "Its safe, I'll go clean up and put some healing salve on my cuts, I'll be good as new before they get back..." Hinata said and then blushed. "...but you have to stay here because I... I..." Hinata tried to say 'have to take off my shirt' but just couldn't.

Naruto waited a few moments while she tried to say something, then glanced at her heavily bandaged body and blushed slightly. "Oh!" Naruto said, put her on her feet and smiled. "I'll get the fire started so we can eat when everyone gets back, I'm starved."

Hinata smiled, nodded and walked off toward the stream blushing.

===20 Minutes Later===

"Naruto, where's Hinata?" Kurenai asked as she walked over to him with Kiba, they were the last team back.

"We ran into some low level rouge nins and Hinata took out two of 'em by herself before the leader attacked her, then I took down the other four, including the leader. She got beat up a little and I think her coat was ripped up, but she's fine. She's at the stream getting cleaned up. She should be done by now so I'll go get her." Naruto said casually then ran off before the slightly stunned group could say anything

"Did Naruto say Hinata took out two rouge nin by herself?" Kiba asked.

Shino nodded.

"Wow." Sakura said, impressed..

"Not bad." Sasuke said.

Kakashi sighed and shook his head. "He should of told us when we got back."

Kurenai smiled proudly. "I'm so proud of Hinata." Kurenai said. '_I'm glad teaming them worked, but I hope she's okay._' She thought.

===With Naruto===

Quickly, and silently, running the short distance through the woods Naruto arrived at the edge of the clearing where the stream was. It was a decent sized clearing, scattered throughout it were huge boulders half buried in the ground, one was by the side of the stream, it was over 5' across but only about waist high. Standing half behind a huge tree in its shadow, just outside the clearing, Naruto stopped. He heard some splashing on the other side of the boulder. '_She's probably just washing her hands, I'll wait here so I don't scare her._' Naruto thought, seeing no clothes or even her jacket anywhere. He saw blue hair appear, rising up behind the boulder, he smiled and opened his mouth to call to her and froze when he saw her bare back. '_No, no no nononononononononono. bad Naruto, close your eyes! Turn away, don't look! You aren't a per..._' Naruto screamed to himself in his head, unfortunately for him his body wasn't listening, but it didn't matter anyway as Hinata turned around toward him, eyes closed as she splashed some water on her face. What he saw shut down all rational thoughts in his brain as blood streamed from both nostrils. Hinata was nude from the waist up, as that's all he could see because of the boulder, but that isn't what got him. Hinata's breasts were huge and hung almost to her belly button which was just an inch or 2 above the top of the boulder, her areola were as wide as his open hand, a dark pink color close to Sakura's hair with cherry-sized nipples... but that wasn't what fried his brain either.

What blew his mind, and put a very large tent in his pants, was the fact that covering her upper arms, chest, her breasts down to her saucer-sized nipples, and down her stomach going past the boulder, were tattoos of him, multiple face images as well as shirtless fighting scenes and dominating her left breast was a tattoo of him and Hinata as adults, both were nude and kissing. Hinata's image was near the center of her chest. Her left leg was bent as she was kissing him, his hands gripping her huge breasts, just enough space between them so her breasts hung free. He tried to say something, but only looked like a fish out of water, then his eyes rolled back in his head and he fainted, images of a nude Hinata dancing in his head.

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End


	2. Why you shouldn't spy on friends

Why you shouldn't spy on friends

By: MikeJV37

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Author's Note: This is a sequel to Why Hinata never takes her coat off, and is done for fun. Just to be clear, I'm NOT following canon, think of this like highlights of a series, instead of the whole thing, I'll be featuring every main character eventually, and half of them will get used, or should I say abused, in some way, but for fun. Hope you enjoy my little twists.

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===1 Month Later, Morning, Konoha===

Sakura was walking down the street in a depressed daze, it'd been a month since their mission with Team 8, since that last night where Naruto brought Hinata back from cleaning up he'd been acting very strange, even for him, all he did the rest of the mission was stare at Hinata. A week after they got back he seemed to get back to normal, mostly, but now both he and Hinata were acting strange around each other, if she didn't know better she'd swear they were dating, but Naruto was in love with her... right? He'd barely talked to her, the only big change was one she'd wanted for almost a year, and now that she had it, she missed it, Naruto had not only stopped asking her out on a date, but he semed to of lost all interest in her as a girl. She could admit it to herself now, she liked the attention, he always made her feel better when she was sad or depressed, now she'd give anything to have him ask her out, she'd even go on a date with him. Even staring at Sasuke had lost some appeal, even if nothing had changed in how he treated her, or rather, ignored her like he did the other girls. Reaching her destination she entered the building.

"Good morning Sakura-chan, you're my only other customer this morning." The woman behind the counter said happily.

Sakura stopped. "A regular?"

"Sort of, she's been coming here about 3 months, she usually gets the main spring alone by special reservation..." The woman said.

"I'll come back later then." Sakura interrupted then turned to leave, more depressed than ever..

"You don't have to leave. Don't ask me why, but she has you listed as her only guest, so go on in." The woman said.

Sakura was confused a moment, but smiled a little. "Thank you Kisha-chan." Sakura said then went into the back door to the Main Hotspring. After stripping and wrapping herself in a towel she stepped out of the changing room into the back where the outdoor hotspring was. There was a cool breeze that felt good on her face, arms and legs. She saw someone soaking in the water, head back, arms resting on the stone around the spring, her long black hair waving in the bubbling water around her covered chest.."Hello, I'm sorry to disturb you... but Kisha said my name is on your guest list, have we met?" Sakura said, nervously.

The girl raised her head, looked at Sakura and smiled warmly. "No, but I know who you are and was hoping to meet you some day, when I heard you come here a lot I put your name on my guest list... you don't mind do you?" She said.

Sakura smiled, feeling much better. "I don't mind at all, thank you... uh?"

"I'm sorry, my name is Saska. Please, join me, the water is great today." Saska said and motioned to the spot next to her.

Sakura walked over to the side, sighed quietly but nervously, then removed her towel and slipped into the water next to Saska and sighed.

"I told you it felt great... if you don't mind me asking, you seem to be upset about something, care to talk about it?" Saska said.

Sakura nodded sadly, her smile fading partially. "it's my teammates, boys, Naruto Uzumaki and Sasuke Uchiha. Until recently I was in love with Sasuke, but he treated me like garbage because I'm a weak kunoichi, but I'm trying to get stronger for him... then there's Naruto... he's an annoying baka, but he's a good guy that always protects his friends, he even saved me a few times on a mission a few months ago. He's always asking me out but I always turn him down, I mean, he was last at the academy and not cool like Sasuke... well, he did until about a month ago. I thought I'd be happy if he stopped asking me out, but I miss it, and I realize I liked him more than I thought, but all I did was hit him and call him names... he's barely said anything to me in a month and I think I lost him as a friend... I don't think anyone will ever care abou me and I don't know what to do." Sakura said sadly.

'_She's even more depressed than I thought._' Saska thought, then put her right arm around Sakura's shoulders, and Sakura leaned her head against her. "You love both of them dont you?" Saska asked.

"No! I only... hai." Sakura said, fiercely at first, then paused and whimpered, then sighed in defeat, she had to face the truth.

"I think i can help you... tell me about Sasuke first, and don't hold anything back. I promise I won't tell anyone, this is just between us and the spring." Saska said.

===1 Month Later===

Sakura was smiling happily as she leaned on Saska's right shoulder, she lifted her right up to the surface of the bubbling water, running her fingers up her friend's flat, gently muscled stomach from where they were just a moment ago, onto her full, firm D cup breast and started casually running her index finger around Saska's large brown areola, circling her big erect nipple. "I never thought I'd say this to another girl... but I love you with all my heart Saska-chan. The last month has been the best of my life, I worked out all my problems with Naruto, and even got Sasuke to acnowledge me as his teammate now that I'm not chasing him anymore and taking my career as a kunoichi seriously, he even gave me some advice. I never expected to fall in love with you though, and you don't mind my small boobs and think my big forehead is sexy."

Saska leaned over and kissed Sakura's forehead. "I love you too Sakura-chan... I'd love to stay here in the hotspring all day making love to you, but aren't you supposed to meet your teammates and Sensei for lunch in about thirty minutes?" Saska said.

Sakura sat up, turned and looked at the clock on the wall. "I almost forgot, thank you Saska-chan. I better go then, I have just enough time to get dressed and walk there... if I don't have training or a mission, meet me here tomorow, usual time?"

"Sure, I need to go too, I have cleaning to do at home, the place is a mess." Saska said and giggled.

Sakura paused for an instant, she desperately wanted to know where Saska lived, it was one of the few things she didn't know. She got out of the water, followed by Saska, and headed for the changing room.

===10 Minutes Later===

Sakura knew she shouldn't be doing it and it was a breach of trust, but she couldn't help herself. She quietly leapt to the next roof as she shadowed Saska across Konoha to a familiar part of town. When she got to where Saska was heading, she was also avoiding people the last few blocks, and Sakura was amazed to find that Saska moved like a kunoichi, and Saska was better than she was! '_Now why is she going in there... is she staying with him, are they family... or is she just playing some trick on me?_' Sakura thought, her mind racing as fear welled up within her that the girl she'd just given her heart and body to, didn't really love her. She followed her into the building as silently as she could until Saska entered what she knew was his bedroom. Her heart racing as she spied on Saska through a hole in the wall from the next room, she watched Saska strip then get dressed in very familiar clothes. '_Why is she putting his clothes on?_' Sakura thought, now very confused. '_Is she stealing his clothes?_' Sakura thought, getting more confused by the second, her heart pounding in her chest as the full range of emotions ran through her mind.

Unaware she was being watched, Saska flashed through a series of hand signs. "SECRET STYLE: TRUE TRANSFORMATION!" Saska said and physically transformed into her other self then sighed sadly. "I hate this damn disguise...but at least I finally got to tell Sakura I love her, I just wish I could of done this long ago, waking up on that bridge and seeing her face, made the pain of all those senbon fade away. I'd give anything to be able to tell her the truth. I better get moving or I'll be late." Saska said in a male voice, then left the room.

Sakura's brain was almost literally spinning in her head, she was blown away by what she just saw. Even stranger than the shock she was feeling, was a rush of emotions that was overloading her brain. She managed to wait long enough for Saska to get out of earshot. "Saska... is... really... Sasuke?" Sakura said then was blown halfway across the room by a double gyser of blood from her nose, and crashed to her back unconscious.

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End

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Author's Note 2: I hope no one minds the little gender swap I did, but for the purpose of the story, hopefully for a huge laugh at Sakura's reaction, it was needed. I don't think anyone else would of worked but him.


	3. Why Naruto should think before he acts

Why Naruto should think before he acts

By: MikeJV37

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Author's Note: This story is from the twisted, but beautiful mind of Mistress Winowyll, from a coversation we had by PM. Oh, and sorry if the title doesn't fit, that's the best i could come up with to fit the content.

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===5 Days Later, Ichiraku Ramen===

It was like a dream come true, he'd invited Choji to join him countless times but he'd always refused... until today. He and Choji both had a bowl cooked and served by Ayame, her father Teuchi was out of Konoha on a rare business trip. Choji had commented about the ramen, one thing lead to another and now here he was, about to judge a ramen cook-off between Choji and Ayame, it'd be basically all he could eat ramen, and it was FREE! "Who's ramen is first?" Naruto asked excitedly.

"Mine is Naruto-kun." Ayame said sweetly, gave Naruto a big smile and sat her bowl of mildly spiced beef ramen in front of him.

Naruto leaned in, took a deep inhale amd smiled before wolfing it down and slurping the juice.."Mmm, that was delicious Ayame-chan!"

"Now mine." Choji said and sat a bowl of his spicy beef ramen in front of Naruto.

Naruto repeated it for this bowl. "Mmm, that was awesome Choji!"

"So who has the best beef ramen Naruto-kun?" Ayame asked.

Naruto thought for a few moments, holding his chin and tapping his cheek with a finger. "It was close, but I have to say Choji's was better."

Ayame gritted her teeth a moment. "Okay, round one beef goes to Choji..." Ayame said then marked it on the chalkboard hanging on the wall, under Choji's name. "Now chicken." Ayame said strongly.

Both went back to their stations and prepared their chicken ramen.

===14 Minutes Later===

"Ayame's was better." Naruto said.

And so it wnt for another hour.

"Choji's..."

"Ayame's..."

"Ayame's..."

"Choji's..."

"Ayame's..."

"Choji's..."

"Ayame's..."

"Choji's..."

After 20 bowls of ramen Naruto was beyond stuffed, he honestly didn't want anymore ramen, he wanted to go back to his apartment and sleep... unfortunately there was 2 things stopping him, Choji and Ayame, and both were near boiling themselves.

"So who won Naruto, who's the better cook?" They asked together.

Naruto moaned, he'd swear he had a mouthful of noodles. He looked at them, Choji looked upset, and Ayame looked scary. "I... can't decide, you tied, isn't that enough?"

"NO!" Both said fiercely, then turned to face the other. "Showdown!".Both said and went back to their stations.

First to finiah was Ayame with a sweet and sour lobster, shrimp and chicken ramen with fresh peapods.

As delicious as it looked and smelled, glancing at Ayame standing over him, her eyes blazing, for once in his life he didn't want to eat ramen, even hers. However, he knew that look, if he didn't eat it he knew Ayame would give him a beating the likes of which Kami had never seen, and she'd never serve him again. He forced a smile, picked up his chop sticks and took a bite, making sure he got a little of everything. He chewed it up and despite the fact he didn't have any room left, he swallowed it, but it felt like it was sitting in his throat halfway to his stomach. Just for a moment he'd swear he heard the fox whimpering in the back of his mind. "Delicious, your best ever." Naruto said, half lying, he honestly didn't care what it tasted like, he just wanted this over.

Clink.

Naruto looked down and whimpered, sitting next to Ayame's bowl was a new special order from Choji that looked like barbeque beef and broccolli ramen in a cheese sauce. He knew they were going all out to one up each other. He tried it, and it was incredible, but his reaction was the same as to Ayame's. "Excellent!"

"So who won?" Both asked.

"Uh... well..." Naruto said nervously, then suddenly let out a MASSIVE belch, and pushed the 2 bowls aside just before he faceplanted on the counter, out cold. As he faded back into consciousness, he had no idea how long he was out, he was still sitting at Ichiraku's, dressed and healthy, so that was a good sign, then heard odd sounds from the floor behind the counter that he knew were muffled moans by Ayame. His first thought was that they got in a fight and Choji beat her up, but that was impossible, even under the worse circumstances Choji could never do that to Ayame, but she could still be hurt. Hoping for the best he put his hands on the counter and lifted himself up, leaning forward so he could see behind the counter to the floor. It was Ayame, she was on the floor, on her back, but she was totally nude and she was having sex with Choji! He saw every inch of Ayame's 19 year old body... her big clit, her large, trimmed brown bush on her mound above her smooth lips that were currently stretched around Choji apparently huge dick, the little silver ring piercing in her navel, as well as in the long, thick nipples topping the saucer-sized brown areola on her fat E cup breasts, tattood on the left on the pale skin above the nipple was a bowl of hot ramen. He fell back onto his stool and face planted on the counter, out cold before his head hit.

===20 Minutes Later===

Naruto just woke up and raised his head when he heard a familiar voice behind him.

"Hey Naruto, how about I treat you to some ramen?" Iruka said happily.

"NO MORE RAMEN!" Naruto yelled, jumped off the stool and ran down the street screaming.

Iruka was very confused. "Do you know what that was about Ayame?" Iruka asked.

Ayame smirked. "I have have no idea... would you like to try one of our new flavors?" Ayame asked. She'd seen Naruto lean over the counter. She and Choji had gotten into an argument, then their passion for food turned sexual and... '_He'll go to Hinata, she'll calm him down... I hope he liked my ramen tattoo and piercings... Hinata-chan did a great job on both. I just hope Choji doesn't mind that I'm bi._' Ayame thought, happy that she was no longer a virgin orally thanks to Hinata or vaginally thanks to Choji.

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End Chapter 3


	4. Why Tenten wears her hair up

Why Tenten wears her hair up

by: MikeJV37

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===3 Weeks Later, Late Afternoon, Wolf Claw Weapon Shop===

Ino picked up her scroll filled with new kunai, turned to leave, suddenly stopped and turned back to the counter slightly nervous. For her it was unusual, but considering what she was about to ask, who and where, she had a good reason as the other girl wasn't anyone she generally hung around with socially, they were more like acquaintances with mutual friends. "Can I ask you a personal question Tenten?"

Tenten raised her eyebrows slightly, she'd never really seen Ino Yamanaka nervous about saying anything. "Sure, I guess. Dad left about an hour ago so we're alone." Tenten said calmly, then noticed that actually seemed to make Ino more nervous.

"I know we've never been close friends, you were a year ahead of me at the Academy and even after graduation when we hung out with our teammates to eat, we didn't talk much, but with everything that's been happening the last couple months... Naruto and Hinata are dating seriously, then we find out Sakura and Sasuke have not only been dating for a month, but a week after that we find out Sasuke is really Saska... a girl... and now Sakura has come out as being a lesbian and is dating Saska... and two weeks ago I find out Choji is dating Ayame Ichiraku!"

Tenten flinched slightly. "Um, I was talking to Ayame yesterday and they've been... doing it for three weeks... so have Naruto and Hinata, and Sakura and Saska."

Ino's eyes got big as saucers. "They're all having... uh, can we go somewhere private and sit down? I don't think I can ask you this standing."

"Sure, I have my own apartment upstairs above the shop, dad gave it to me as a graduation gift." Tenten said then closed up and lead Ino through the back and up the hidden, spiral metal staircase in the back right corner of the stockroom.

Ino followed Tenten into her apartment and stopped at the top, just inside the room. her jaw hit the floor in awe. She was facing the front wall of what would be the shop downstairs, the back wall to her right was all windows looking out on the one acre lot behind the shop where Tenten trained and tested the weapons, the view was incredible and sunlight literally flooded the room. And it was big, 10' ceiling, open floor plan, and at what she figured to be 20' wide and 40' long. Across from her by the far wall was a reclining chair facing the windows, the first 15' of that wall was floor to ceiling built in shelves, filled with books. The floors were a polished, light, hardwood, the walls were a light purple-blue, the ceiling was a light blue, and spaced evenly along the ceiling were 3, large ceiling fans, each with 5 large, leaf-shaped, bamboo blades that moved the air very well and kept the room cool. In the middle of the left wall was a small kitchen with a breakfast bar facing her, right side, center, was a table she knew was the expandable type you added leaves to the center for large meals. Far end of the left side was a bachelor style bedroom, on the right side at about 10' wide by 14' long was what had to be the bathroom, as it was the only area walled in for privacy. The furniture was all stained wood, scattered around were small tables and shelves, all with several small statues, vases, etc... and everything was top of the line. "My house isn't this nice." Ino said after a brief stunned silence.

"Thank you... but you can't tell anyone this is here, no one knows about it but me, my parents and Hokage-sama. We can talk on my bed... would you like something to drink... water, soda, sake?" Tenten said.

"I'm not... sake? I thought you didn't drink." Ino said.

"There's a lot about me no one knows, I'm a private person. Outside this room or alone with my family, I'm a different person than everyone sees, I take being a kunoichi very seriously, so that's all I let anyone see of me." Tenten said in a calm, and more relaxed adult tone than she normally used when talking.

"Uh, soda... grape if you have it." Ino said and started across the room, admiring everything.

Tenten nodded, went to her kitchen, took out 2 sodas, a grape and an orange, then joined Ino and lead her to the bed. "You can look around later. So what did you want to ask me?"

"I forgot... oh, um... I had two questions actually, but now I have about a hundred more, but those can wait." Ino said and forced a laugh. "First, why do you wear your hair up in those buns? No offense, but you're one of the best looking girls in Konoha, and that's the hairstyle of an old woman. Second, you don't have a social life as far as anyone knows, I can't find a boy that's even gone on a bad date with you, or a girl that's even seen you out shopping or at a party. Pardon the bad pun, but you've never... well, let your hair down." Ino said.

Tenten took a drink of her soda and sat it on nightstand. "I've been expecting this since you guys graduated... if I tell you this Ino, you have to promise me you won't tell anyone, and I mean anyone." Tenten said seriously.

Ino thought for a moment, more nervous than before. "Hai, I promise."

"Before I answer, let me ask you something... you've heard the good old days stories from your dad right?" Tenten asked and Ino nodded with a small smirk. "Now that you're a kunoichi he let you hear the racier stories about the parties and things he did when he was single, right?" Ino nodded again, blushing. "Has he ever mentioned a masked kunoichi he went to the academy with, she lived her life with pure unbridled emotion and could of surpassed even the Sannin in status and power... her nickname was the Crimson Katana." Tenten said solemnly.

Ino's eyes got as big as saucers and her jaw quivered. "Your mom?" Ino asked very cautiously.

Tenten took a deep breath and sighed. "No... me. I'm not a Genin, I'm a former Elite Jonin. I was... in seclusion for ten years before I showed up as his sheltered daughter, that's why no one knows much about me before the Academy. They aren't my biological parents, they're my friends, but I am legally their daughter. I wear my hair like this as a reminder to never lose control of my emotions... compared to how I used to be... Anko Mitarashi is a sheltered virgin."

Ino's mind just shut down as she stared in stunned awe at Tenten a few moments, then her eyes rolled back in her head and she fainted.

"She took that better than I thought... I just hope she doesn't freak out when I tell her why I really invited her up here." Tenten said then smiled pervertedly as she rubbed her pussy through her pants.

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End Chapter 4


	5. Why you never let Anko choose

Why you never let Anko chose

By: MikeJV37

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===3 Weeks Later, Konoha Hospital===

Sarutobi sighed and shook his head, he couldn't believe one of his Elite was in a hospital bed in a full body cast, the list of injuries was hard for even him to believe, and worse, had been for almost 2 weeks now. When he heard he'd been forced to send for the only person that could help. He got word an hour ago they'd be there in about an hour, just enough time to hear what had happened since it was hard to talk with your jaw wired shut, until now. "Okay, tell me the whole story." Sarutobi said.

xxx 2 WEEK FLASHBACK JUTSU! xxx

"Oh come on, you four haven't been out since you were all active Chuunin. I bought the tickets and backstage passes myself Come on, he's only in town tonight for one concert, I know you all like his music, he's the hottest thing to come along in twenty years. He usually only plays the small clubs, he only gives these big concerts once a year. The girls I talked to said he's hot enough to make you cum in your panties with a look, he's the fastest rapper you've ever heard in your life, has more energy than an Elite Jonin... and from the fan girls I could find that got backstage... not only is he a great lover, but he's hung like a fucking bull. Come on, I even borrowed some special seals, we'll just use these, even if there are Jonin there they won't know we're using chakra, only downside is they only last twelve hours then burn out. They can only be used once, but it'll be worth it. We can even fuck him, they include the anti-pregnancy jutsu as part of the seal, no one will know. Nothing will go wrong, we go back to our normal lives tomorrow and forget this happened, trust me." Anko said with a smile.

Kurenai Yuuhi, Yoshino Nara, Inomi Yamanaka and Tsume Inuzuka looked at each other a moment, they knew in their hearts this was a mistake, but they promised Anko she could decide what they'd do that night, it's been almost 2 years since 'The Party Incident' when Anko had chosen last, Anko wouldn't do that again, she'd promised. They all sighed then nodded.

"It starts at ten, so sneak out at nine and meet me at the North-West corner of the Park in the small clearing, we'll change there then head to the Warehouse, shouldn't take us more then twenty minutes to get there." Anko said.

===10:00 PM, The Warehouse===

Front row center was Mitara, she had a waist length purple ponytail, tight black tee shirt and leather jacket that showed off her firm D cup breasts, short leather shirt and 2" black heels. To her right was a slightly taller Kurina with black hair to her lower back, red tank top over a set of heavy D cups, black shorts and red, 1" heels. To her right was Yonni, who was a little shorter than Mitara, she had shoulder length dark hair, a white crop top over firm C cup breasts, and a loose, brown skirt to her knees and civilian sandals. To her right was Mina, blonde hair in a ponytail to her waist, a snug blue tube top that showed off her fat, E cup breasts, a short blue skirt and 3" blue heels. Last was the tallest by several inches, Tsuka. Her thick, wild black hair hung to her shoulders, she wore a tight black tee shirt that hugged her heavy, sagging F cup breasts, black leather skirt, black leather knee boots and studded black leather wristbands and collar. All 4 girls had a matching bracelet on their right wrist.

The stage lights came on, arena lights went down low, showing the band. The MC than came on. "WAZZUP! *waits for crowds response* I know all you horny bitches can't wait to feast your eyes and ears on the Master of the Microphone, The Daimyo of Darkness, the Shogun of Smooth, the Kage of Charisma... and the greatest entertainer in the world... the one, the only... Shadow Walker!"

A moment later he just appeared in center stage. He was 5'10", wore a black leather version of shinobi sandals but with 4 buckles in front, tight black leather pants showed his ripped but not bulky, muscular legs, studded black leather belt, black leather vest that showed of his lightly tanned, leaned but ripped muscular body, elbow length black leather fingerless gloves, his jet black hair hung loose to his shoulders, and wraparound black shades covered the upper half of his face from mid-nose to his hairline. In his right hand was a wireless microphone. He lifted it and while leaping, flipping and dancing around the stage, put down the fastest, smoothest, most high energy rap anyone had ever heard.

The 4 disguised kunoichi in the front row, though they screamed their heads off like sex-crazed, rabid fangirls, were also blown away by his energy level, he put most Jonin to shame, and they'd all swear they could almost feel him generating chakra. The concert went on for 2 hours, and his energy level never dropped for an instant.

xxx END FLASHBACK JUTSU xxx

Sarutobi stood there a few moments, both stunned and annoyed. "So what happened after the concert?" Sarutobi said.

"We used our backstage passes, got into his room... and we all fucked him." She said.

"That doesn't explain your injuries Anko." Sarutobi said firmly.

"Before we left the clearing in the park about two o'clock, something he'd said before we left his room registered in her mind as being familiar, when she told us her suspicions we laughed it off at first, but after she explained it we knew she was right... we knew who it was, and that's when she did this to me. Well, she started, the others joined in a few minutes later." Anko said.

"Who recognized him, and who is this musician called Shadow Walker?" Sarutobi said.

Anko laughed nervously a moment. "As crazy as this sounds, he has to be..."

===Another Part Of Konoha===

"Can I ask you guys something... have your parents or Sensei been acting weird lately?" Ino said.

"Now that you mention it, yeah, I said I was meeting you guys for lunch and when I mentioned Shikamaru, mom's face twitched." Kiba said.

"I did that this morning and mom dropped the plate she was washing on the floor and it shattered, she looked like I told her I was pregnant or something." Ino said.

"I saw Kurenai-sensei on the way here, when I asked her to join me she said she'd love to, until I mentioned Shikamaru-san, she blushed, said she just remembered she had a meeting and Shunshined away. I've never seen her act like that before." Hinata said.

"Nope, nothing weird with my parents or Gai-sensei." Tenten said.

"Mom hasn't yelled at me in 2 weeks for sleeping so much... she's barely even looked at me." Shikamaru said.

"Nothing weird with my folks, if Naruto was here we could ask him... does anyone know where Team Seven went anyway?" Choji said.

Under the table Shikamaru had his hands in a familiar circle hand sign while he listened to his friends and ran everything that had happened in the last month through his mind, turning it inside out. "Ino, do you know anything about black crystal bracelets?"

Ino's face lit up. "No, but they sound really cool... why do you ask?".

"I saw five girls wearing them about three weeks ago... never mind, this is too much like work, I need a nap." Shikamaru said tiredly, leaned back and closed his eyes.

"For a guy that doesn't do anything how can he be tired all the time?" Ino said.

"Maybe he has a night job? Kurenai-sensei told me that some shinobi and kunoichi get a job under a disguise to earn extra money." Hinata said.

Everyone turned and looked at Shikamaru a moment, then at each other. "No way!" They said together and started laughing.

Everyone missed Shikamaru smile briefly.

x

End Chapter 5


	6. Why Tsunade really came back

Why Tsunade really came back

By: MikeJV37

x

===18 Days Later, Hokage Tower===

She raised her head and looked at her door when it opened, hope filled her heart... then it died when she saw Shizune. She'd heard the stories growing up, watched her former Sensei and then her friend fall to the unstoppable beast known as paperwork, and at the moment she'd sell her soul to see a 2 foot stack in Shizune's arms.."Please tell me you need my help to bring it all in." Tsunade said, her voice filled with desperation.

"I'm sorry Tsunade-sama... time's up. It's been exactly 2 weeks since you took office... we have to do it." Shizune said calmer than she felt.

Tsunade whimpered pathetically. "I'd rather do anything else... I hope no one ever finds out about this."

x FLASHBACK NO JUTSU x

Tsunade dropped her cards on the table as she looked across the private table at his cards. "Impossible... you never got a new card... the odds against drawing, that, hand are... no one is that lucky." Tsunade said in stunned awe.

"I am." Naruto said proudly, a big foxy smile on his face. "Now we're going to have that private talk, then tomorrow morning if you still don't want to come back, I'll let you and Shizune leave. That's the deal."

Tsunade grumbled a few moments. "Fine... might be good for a few laughs, and it'll take my mind off what you just did to me at the table." She said and sighed, he'd taken all the cash she had on her, even her emergency fund.

After Naruto had cashed in his chips, they went to the hotel next door where she had a room.

"Hello Naruto-kun, did you have fun?" Hinata said from the couch.

"Sure did, and I won a lot of money... you can open your own place now. So what did you find out?" Naruto said.

"Oh, a lot Naruto. Shizune was very helpful... especially after I broke her... but I'm sure Tsunade knows all about Shizune's secret." Hinata said and smiled.

Tsunade's confidence dropped like a rock. "Where is she... did you hurt her?"

"She's in the bedroom... now, Tsunade-chan, get over here... and don't try to argue, I know what you're hiding and your special weakness." Hinata said.

"Hinata-chan you naughty girl!" Naruto said happily and jogged over to her, kissed her and sat down.

When Tsunade got close and reached for her belt, Hinata stopped her. "Wait. Naruto-kun, I spent all morning with Shizune, I don't want to be a bad girlfriend... so I'm going to be your Hinata-hime and go to the bedroom where Shizune is, she should be rested enough for some more fun, so you enjoy Tsunade. Show her why you're the only man I'll ever let touch me." Hinata said, then leaned in and whispered in his ear what Tsunade's secrets were, then kissed his cheek, stood and left the room.

Tsunade watched her shut the bedroom door then turned back to Naruto. "She's Hiashi and Hannah's daughter?"

"Hai. She's their oldest, but after her sister Hanabi was born, Hannah..." Naruto said.

"Don't tell me anymore, please..." Tsunade interrupted. "This is hard enough on me... just promise me that neither of you will tell anyone you broke me, If everyone found out Tsunade Senju was the subbie whore of a Genin... I'd kill myself, I've already had 2 tragedies in my life that almost destroyed me, I can't take another." Tsunade said, he nodded, then she untied her belt, opened and dropped her gray shirt, revealing her huge bare breasts.

Naruto had held in his reaction when Hinata told him, but seeing her was too much.

"Before you say anything, I have to ask. Don't get mad, but even though I'm being blackmailed into this... tell me that Shizune and I are going to be treated like lovers, and not whores or sluts. I can take any abuse, but I have to know that you and Hinata will love us, at least Shizune, she deserves to be loved. I don't care if you use my tits as punching bag and my body as your fuck toy, in private of course, as long as she's happy." Tsunade said nervously, but sincerely.

"We will, you have my promise on that." Naruto said.

Tsunade saw it in his eyes, he'd keep his promise. "Thank you. One more question, then a request. She can't hide it from me, I can tell Hinata has breasts like mine, but are you well endowed too?"

Naruto smiled and nodded. "You've never seen bigger, I guarantee it."

Tsunade's eyebrows went up in surprise and awe, she glanced at his crotch, then against her will, her nipples got hard and she got a little aroused. "Whoa."

"That all?" Naruto asked, smiling.

"Uh, no... when you're fucking me... pull my nipple rings really hard, and before we go back to Konoha I want to tattoo both of your faces on my breasts with the others."

Naruto nodded. "Agreed, now strip, I have a big job for the legendary sucker."

x END FLASHBACK x

===Naruto's Apartment Building, *Secret Suite=== (see: Author's Note)

The 2 girls landed their combined attack and send the third girl and her weapon flying, her long twin ponytails going out to the sides as she crashed on the bed, her shirt flipping up to reveal her huge, pierced and tattooed breasts, and cute green flower panties. She sat up and rubbed the blue diamond on her forehead, a hateful glare on her face. The brunette and other very busty, twin pony tailed blonde girl smiling happily, the blue-haired girl nearby giggling into her own huge breasts, currently being held up in her hands like a fluffy pillow, her tee shirt covering them. "Zuni-chan, Naru-chan, you bitches are so dead!" The currently 13 year old Tsunade said, grabbed her pillow, leapt off the bed and charged them, pillow raised high in both hands to swing like a club.

The 2 girls screamed in mock fear and ran away laughing.

x

End Chapter 6

x

Author's Note: A new idea I had that I'll use in another fic. The 4th floor has Naruto's apartment, but the rest of the floor, including the other apartments, have been secretly converted into an open floor plan, single suite accessible only through Naruto's normal apartment used as a cover for those that don't know about the real 'condo' that's the rest of the floor. I've never seen this done in another fic, so is my idea. If you want to use it in your fic, please ask first, and give me credit for it in the fic. Thank you.


	7. 5 things they should teach Kunoichi

2011 Holiday Humor

5 things they should teach Kunoichi

by: MikeJV37

Author's Note: This is done purely for humor and is not part of any fic, including this series of 1-shots, it's totally separate and stands alone. I hope you enjoy.

x

The top 5 things they should teach Kunoichi, but don't.

5: Footwear matters.

===Afternoon, Yamanaka House, Ino's Bedroom===

Sakura walked into Ino's room and saw her curled up under her sheets. "Hey Ino, I haven't seen you all day, and I ran into Shikamaru and Choji earlier and they said you missed training today, what's wrong?"

Ino turned to Sakura. "I did some early training this morning and found out something."

"What?" Sakura asked, curiously.

"Never tree jump wearing high heels." Ino said then whipped off her blankets, she was nude from the waist down.

Sakura gasped in shock.

"My feet slipped and... well let's just say my legs didn't break my momentum."

x

4: Your body can be used against you.

===Chuunin Exams, Shikamaru vs Temari===

Temari froze, then glanced down and knew she was doomed if she couldn't escape this jutsu. "You can't hold me forever, and your wall trip won't work. You're as weak as that little kunoichi I fought, without her weapons she's nothing but tits and ass... you little wimp. As soon as I'm free I'm busting your balls!"

Shikamaru gritted his teeth. "I don't care what you say about me... but don't ever insult our kunoichi again."

Watching from the stands Tenten smiled that he'd defended her honor, She watched him raise his hands to his chest,which Temari mirrored, making her wonder what he was doing, then she smiled when he turned his hands towards his chest and pinched his fingers. Normally he's just look stupid because he was about 4-6 inches from his body... she was smiling because Temari was screaming in agony as she was pinching her nipples through her clothes, and hard too it appeared, then she was twisting and pulling them, This lasted about 2 minutes before Temari stopped, lowered her hands and grabbed the bottom of her shirts, Shikamaru's hands had missed the edges of his shirt.

"I surrender, I surrender, just please, for the love of Kami STOP!" Temari screamed in humiliation and pain.

Tenten made a mental note to thank him later. She was glad for once to have small breasts.

x

3: Always dress appropriately for your body.

===Chuunin Exam 1, Ending===

A spear crashed through the window and stuck in the wall by the door, then unfurled to show a name. 'Anko Mitarashi' A moment later she crashed through the window and landed in the center of the room in a wide stance, hands on her hips, trench coat open enough to show her mesh covered breasts and her short skirt to ride up a little. She was about to announce herself when she saw everyone staring at her in shock, but not the kind she expected, then she felt something brush her left calf. She looked down and saw, laying on the floor, the custom, purple lace thong panties she HAD been wearing.

"Everyone out!" Ibiki commanded, and the room quickly emptied. He walked around the desk and picked up her thong, it was custom for a reason... what it had been bolding was now free. He smirked briefly at her red face. "Custom banner... 900 Ryo. Replacing the Academy window... 450 Ryo. The look on your co-workers face when her long cock falls out of her skirt in front of a room full of Genin from all 5 Elemental Nations and outs her as a futa... Priceless." Ibiki said, tucked her panties in her pocket and left, a big smile on his face.

"I wonder if there's a long term S-Rank mission I can take in the next 20 minutes." Anko said.

x

2: Kunoichi can be seduced too.

===Late afternoon, Wave Country, Tsunami's House, Sakura's Room===

Sakura shut her door then turned to Naruto after he was inside. "What's so important you had to talk to me now?"

"I wanted to ask you out, since we're here, no one in Konoha will know you went out with me." Naruto said.

"Naruto, you baka! Why would you think I'd go out with you here? I love Sasuke-kun!" Sakura said.

Naruto just smiled. "I found out what girls really want from guys, and Sasuke doesn't have it, but I do."

Sakura smirked, highly amused that Naruto thought he had something her Sasuke-kun didn't. "What could you have that Sasuke doesn't? He's rich, handsome, smart and a great ninja. You're poor, stupid and can't even do the Bunshin right."

Naruto didn't even react. "Simple... he doesn't have this." Naruto said then grabbed his pants and yanked them down to his ankles... freeing his thick, foot long cock that quickly got hard.

Sakura's eyes bugged out, her jaw dropped and she stared in awe a moment. "Take me Naruto-kun." She said then was blown back off her feet by twin blood geysers from her nose.

Naruto stepped out of his pants, put the orange book back in his pocket as it'd fallen out, then grinned pervertedly at Sakura, laying on the floor spread-eagled. "As you wish Sakura-chan."

x

1: Low blows hurt women too.

===Tanzaku City===

Jiraiya watched nervously as his new apprentice charged his former teammate... he was just glad the street was deserted and no one would see this. He watched Naruto swing at her, she dodged it easily and flicked off his headband, stunning him a moment, then with her other hand drew back a fist... and panic appeared on Naruto's face. He was turning away when a loud scream of pure pain was heard, making him whip his head back to them to see what happened... and his jaw dropped in shock.

Lightning bolts of pain were ripping through her body, the majority of them focused in one area. As she looked down she saw his leg move back into place. She dropped to her knees, making her huge breasts bounce in her shirt, her arms hung limply at her sides.

Tsunade watched him pick up his leaf headband and tie it back on. He scowled at her, then grabbed her shirt and yanked it open and down, exposing her bare breasts and trapping her arms, then took out a kunai, used the point to carve an 'N' in her right breast, then a 'U' in her left just deep enough to leave a scar. "Naruto Uzumaki just kicked your ass, Baa-chan, I own you now and you will come back or I'll drag you back by your nipples." he said to her and she nodded blankly, too stunned to even think. "By the way... don't you ever touch my headband again." He said, then pinched both her nipples very hard, drew back his leg and she heard a yell as, what felt like a thousand exploding tags going off in her panties, and then everything went black.

She woke up in a bed, her first sight was Shizune, naked, against the wall, left leg up and on Jiraiya's shoulder... as he fucked her. She realized she was rocking too and felt it, she looked down her body and saw a smiling whiskered face as what she knew was the biggest cock she'd ever encountered being repeatedly slammed into her broken, tamed pussy.

"Happy birthday Tsunade-chan." Naruto said as he continued pounding her.

Tsunade sighed, she could hardly believe she'd not only been beaten by a new Genin, but he'd cunt kicked her... twice, stripped her, carved his initials in her treasured breasts, and was fucking her like he owned her... and honestly, he did, she couldn't deny it. Of all the attacks she'd withstood in her life, a common kick in the crotch had beaten her. Of all the things she wanted Konoha to do before she'd left it, teaching young kunoichi to protect their crotch, wasn't one of 'em.

x

End Chapter 7


	8. Alternate Battle Endings

Alternate Battle Endings

Summoning Jutsu... WTF?

by: MikeJV37

Author's Note: This is done purely for humor and is not part of any fic, including this series of 1-shots, it's totally separate and stands alone. I hope you enjoy. Any resemblance to Summons in this fic and anything else might be coincidental... but I wouldn't bet on it. I don't own any characters in this fic.

x

Summon 1

===Chuunin Exams, Tenten vs Temari===

After unleashing her Twin Rising Dragons jutsu and seeing Temari almost casually knock it away with a wave of her giant fan, she found herself caught in a tornado cutting up her clothes, arms and legs. On reflex she pulled a chain whip from her weapon pouch, whipped it out and caught something, she immediately pulled herself free and landed, breathing hard.

"You managed to escape my jutsu... you might not be as pathetic as I thought... those weapons you threw at me probably wouldn't even cut my hair." Temari said and started laughing.

The kneeling Tenten stood. "You can talk about me all you want... but NOBODY INSULTS MY WEAPONS!" Tenten roared in rage, reached up and yanked the pins from her hair buns, they unfurled, her thick mane of hair cascaded down to her knees.

"Oh fuck."

Everyone on the Konoha side turned and stared at Might Guy in stunned shock.

"DON'T DO IT TENTEN-CHAN!" Might Guy yelled.

"Too late... this bitch gets my Ultimate attack." Tenten said and wiped her hands on her arms, covering her palms in her own blood, flashed through several hand signs, squatted and slapped her hands on the ground. "SUMMON!"

Temari stood there, smirking, highly amused, then raised an eyebrow when she did a summon.

There was a puff of smoke in front of Tenten, and when it cleared everyone saw a fat, stupid looking goat... just sitting there staring at Temari.

Temari stood there just staring, a confused, but very amused expression on her face.

Nothing happened for about 20 seconds, then it vanished in a blur of speed no one could follow... they found it a moment later, it's 6 inch inward curving horns buried in Temari's crotch, she was almost folded in half around it, then the goat leapt back a few feet into the same sitting position, Temari dropped her fan, her face twisted in blinding agony, grabbed herself as she fell to her knees, then face planted on the ground, her butt sticking up in the air.

*"**MOUNTAIN GOAT TO THE COOCH.**" A powerful, male voice announced from everywhere.

Tenten, smiling ear to ear, nodded and the goat vanished in smoke. She strolled over to Temari and kneeled by her head. "I hope you didn't want to be a mother someday... because it's not gonna happen." Tenten said, picked up her fan, slung it over her right shoulder and glanced at the Proctor.

"Winner, Tenten." He said blankly.

"It works on guys too." Tenten said.

EVERYONE in the arena covered their crotch with both hands protectively, hunched forward slightly.

x

Summon 2

===Chuunin Exams, Hinata vs Neji===

Hinata forced herself to stand after hearing Naruto cheer for her.

"Just give up... you're as weak and pathetic as Naruto and destined to die and be forgotten." Neji said coldly.

Hinata's head whipped up and she stared at Neji, then her eyes narrowed. "I promised mother I'd never use this jutsu... but you just pushed me too far." Hinata said, bit her right thumb, flashed through some hand signs and slapped the ground. "SUMMON!"

Everyone was stunned, no one knew Hinata had a Summoning Contract. When the smoke cleared, sitting in front of Hinata were 2 brown, furry animals no more than 6 inches high. What was odd is that the one on her left had a red nose and was wearing a bright red shirt with yellow flowers on it. The other had on a brown jacket and odd brown hat that he adjusted the brim of.

Neji stared at Hinata and her 2, tiny summons. "You think you can beat me with... squirrels?"

Hinata frowned, her 2 summons glared at Neji very angry, "Lunch time." Hinata said.

A moment later both summons blurred across the arena at blinding speed and each ran up one of Neji's pant legs.

Hinata smiled when both reached his crotch. "They're chipmunks... and they love nuts."

Horror appeared on Neji's face, but before he could move...

Sounds were heard and every male in the arena cringed, legs clamped together.

Neji let out a very high pitched shriek as his whole body went stiff, then he fell backwards, out cold, and a moment later the 2 summons ran out of his pant legs, got petted by Hinata then dispelled.

Hinata walked over to Neji, stared down at him a few moments, then unzipped her coat and draped it over his face, revealing a mesh shirt that barely contained what were at least J cup breasts straining it from neck to waist. She turned to her stunned comrades. "I'm sorry Tenten, he never would of gone out with you... he's gay. Not that it matters anyway... I castrated him."

x

===Chuunin Exams, Ino vs Sakura===

Ino leapt back after the Proctor yelled fight. "I was saving this, but I get the feeling this is my last match, so I'm going all out... and Sakura... I never really liked Sasuke... I'm gay." Ino said, bit her right thumb then flashed through a quick series of hand signs and slapped the ground.

The stunned Konoha side watched the smoke clear to reveal... an adult version of Ino in a purple jumpsuit. Ino smiled and nodded to her human summon, who walked over to Sakura, just standing there stunned and confused... then viciously kicked the pink-haired girl in the crotch as she yelled "BAD HABIT!" Sakura folded up and face planted on the ground, her ass in the air.

"Thanks... sexy." Ino said, blew her summon a kiss, then dispelled her.

x

End Chapter 8

x

* - Created by dhim from DiviantArt, I highly recommend checking his work if you like this type of thing, he humorously abuses both sexes equally.

BTW: Ideas and suggesting for another fun summons or jutsu are welcome, and good ideas will be used in the next chapter. I'll ONLY except ideas and suggestions sent by PM, not in the review.


	9. Why Hinata shouldn't take advice

Why Hinata shouldn't take advice from a Mistress

by: MikeJV37

x

Author's Note: This is done purely for dark humor and is not part of any fic, including this series of 1-shots, it's totally separate and stands alone. I hope you enjoy. I don't own Naruto.

x

===Afternoon, Hokage Tower===

(3 Months after the Chuunin Exams)

You wanted to see me Baa-chan." Naruto said as he stopped in front of Tsunade's desk.

Tsunade pushed a folder to the far side of her desk. "Sign these forms, since you're leaving with Jiraiya tomorrow morning I have 2 presents for you... but to get them you have to sign these to make it official."

Without a moment of thought Naruto took the pen from her desk opened the folder, signed the forms and slid it back to her..

Tsunade checked them, put them in her desk drawer, locked it, and pushed her intercom bottom. "Send her in Shizune."

A few moments later the door opened, Hinata walked in, shut the door and walked up to Naruto smiling. "He signed them?" Hinata asked.

"Hai." Tsunade said and gave Hinata a nod. "First... congratulations Naruto, you're now a Chuunin... like Hinata."

Naruto's jaw dropped.

Tsunade stood and walked around her desk to Naruto. "Second... congratulations Naruto and Hinata Uzumaki. I know you'll be a great husband Naruto."

"WHAT? What do you mean I'm married to Hinata?" Naruto asked in shock, looked back and forth between Tsunade and Hinata.

"I did it Naruto-kun." Hinata said, then Naruto turned to her. "I love you, I have since I was 6. In the last 3 months I've eliminated every rival I have for you." Hinata said, partially unzipped her coat and lifted out a necklace. Decorating it were over a dozen special 'jewels'.

"What do you mean... eliminated?" Naruto asked, then took a second, better look at Hinata's necklace. 'What are those pink things on your necklace?"

"If I may, Mistress Hinata?" Tsunade asked submissively, then Naruto turned to her. "You see Naruto,those aren't jewels on her necklace, they're..."

(Flashback)

===Yesterday, Late Afternoon===

"What do you want Hinata?" Tsunade asked tiredly, she'd finished all her paperwork for the day and was about to head home when Hinata arrived. As soon as she finished her question Hinata leapt onto her desk, totally catching her off guard, then before even she could react Hinata hands flashed out and she slumped in her chair, paralyzed. Tsunade couldn't believe she'd been caught off guard, she watched Hinata jump down to her left.

Tsunade was turned towards Hinata, then without a word her pants were unfastened then pulled down her legs to her ankles, then her legs were spread wide, fully exposing the thick blonde bush covering her mound above her large hairless pussy lips, her big, thick clit sticking out almost 2 inches as normal. She felt Hinata's hands touching her, and felt chakra enter her body. She was confused a moment, then felt it... she was getting aroused.

A few moments later Tsunade knew her clit had been forced to full erection. She heard the soft clink of metal on metal, then Hinata held up a medical blade. Her eyes opened wide, she tried to scream, but couldn't. She felt the pressure and movement, and was glad that there was no pain... that was meaningless however as she heard Hinata rummaging through her pouch again, then a few moments later did a jutsu, whispering the name

Tsunade's heart sank a moment later when Hinata held it up.

(End Flashback)

So that big one in the middle is..." Naruto said, still shocked.

""My preserved, erect clit... she cut it off, and there's nothing I can do medically. Hinata de-clitted and broke me... I'm her sexless slave. And yes, the rest are clits too " Tsunade said sadly.

"This one is Sakura's, Ino's, Tenten's, Shizune's, Anko's, Kurenai's, Ayame's..." Hinata said, pointing to each.

Naruto listened as Hinata pointed to each one, and named every girl and woman he knew, every girl from his classes at the Academy, to the mothers of all his friends. He was amazed Hinata could do this... even her sister Hanabi and mother Hannah weren't safe.

"That just leaves me Naruto-kun... I eliminated every possible rival, so now we're married, and I'm going with you to train, and together we'll be stronger than everyone... and when we get back all our enemies will be dead, We'll be promoted to Jonin and then you'll become the Sixth Hokage!" Hinata said happily.

"Um... okay." Naruto said, scared and impressed at the same time.

x

End


	10. Why Hinata shouldn't read Icha Icha

Why Hinata shouldn't read Icha Icha

by: MikeJV37

x

Author's Note: This is done purely for humor and is not part of any fic, including this series of 1-shots, it's totally separate and stands alone. This is also an alternate version of the chapter 9 One-shot, but later in the canon timeline. I hope you enjoy. I don't own Naruto.

Also, since this is my first update in along time... not counting the 'catfights are fun' fiasco... I want to apologize to everyone, but this has been a rough year for me, generally, but I hope next year will be much better with frequent updates. Don't expect anything until the new year starts, here or on my other stories. Please be patient, life issues have to be handled first... nothing bad, just very annoying and time consuming.

x

===Mid-Morning, Konoha Main Gate===

(After the 2 1/2 year training trip)

Naruto was smiling like an idiot and didn't care, he was finally home. Jiraiya had already run of to 'do research' before he even reported to Baa-chan they were back, he just laughed at that... and honestly, couldn't blame him. His nose had picked up the smell of Ichiraku's from 2 miles away and was almost giving him an erection... thank Kami it didn't because there was no way he could hide his endowment in even the loosest pants. Part of him wanted to confront Tsunade, use what he'd learned about seducing women, and showing her what was hanging between his legs, and knew he could become 6th Hokage by sunset, but pushed that aside with great effort.

He hated admitting it even to himself, but his sexual side had become almost as powerful as Kyuubi lately, that made him smile because he'd also found out Kyuubi had a name, Kurama... and was female. Damn sexy too. "Well I guess should report to Baa-chan right away... but she won't mind if I get some breakfast first." Naruto said with a big foxy smile and started toward his favorite place in the world.

(a minute later)

"Naruto?" A familiar voice asked from behind him. Naruto turned around, and to his right about 12' away was Sakura, she was taller, bur the second thing he noticed was that she had boobs... a big C cup, maybe small D cup he figured... 'thank you Jiraiya.' Sakura-chan!" He said and jogged over to her. "Wow, you got... bigger." He said, but couldn't stop himself from glancing down at her chest.

Sakura noticed and smiled. "Thank you, and you got a lot taller too. You just get back?" Naruto nodded. ""You're heading to Ichiraku's aren't you?" He smiled and nodded again. "I'll join you, and I'll even pay... there's some things I need to tell you."

===32 minutes later===

A fresh bowl of ramen was sitting on the counter, ignored, as Naruto stared in shock, awe and admittedly, a perverted thrill as they passionately kissed, the other person sitting there just smiled, she'd joined them 10 minutes and confirmed everything Sakura had told him. After a full minutes they separated and blushed as they realized they'd gotten a little carried away. "How... when..." Naruto asked blankly.

"Sakura and Ayame have been a couple for almost 2 years... a little longer than me and Tenten-chan have been getting hot and heavy." Ino said with a perverted smile. "As Sakura told you, when she realized Sasuke was a stupid crush and it was you she loved, you'd been gone almost 7 months... why, I can't tell you, them or me and Tenten. Oh, you might want to pull your shirt down Ayame, your tits are showing." Ino said and giggled.

Ayame pulled her shirt down over her braless breasts and straightened her apron. Ayame saw the time and remembered something, "Oh, before you report to Tsunade-sama Naruto, I had a crush on you for years but was afraid to say anything, and like Sakura and the others... we can't go out with you, even if we wanted to. I'm supposed to tell you to find someone before you report, you'll know her by her coat, you can't miss it."

===12 minutes later, Hokage's Office===

"Welcome back Naruto... you've grown a lot, you're probably taller than me now. I see that Jiraiya isn't here... but I expected that. I deal with him later... right now we have business..." Tsunade said, subtly glanced at Hinata standing to her left of Naruto, and sighed. "...but not the business you think. Your report can wait... Hinata."

Hinata turned to Naruto. "Naruto-kun, the reason they send you to find me and I wanted to come here before telling you about my new coat... is also why they acted like they did and are dating each other now." She said and saw the confusion on his face. "My coat looks like this, because every square I used to make it... isn't cloth, it's the hair from another girl or woman."

Naruto looked at Hinata's multi-colored coat, most of the squares she'd sown together were4 inches, a few were2 or 3 inches, but there were also a few that were almost double that. Every hair color he knew was there... black, brown, indigo like Hinata, purple, red, orange and blonde. He leaned closer for a better look, and saw that each was made of hair. He ran his fingers over it, avoiding her chest, and was amazed how soft it was. "Why'd they do it?"

"She didn't give us a choice Naruto." Tsunade said then sighed sadly, letting her real emotions show. "I contributed too, but what we haven't told you is that she won our hair from all of us in a special fight..." Tsunade said and looked into his eyes as a single tear ran down her cheeks. ",,,and if she won we can never date you or even kiss you without Hinata's permission. She caw every female in Konoha, and every other Country you went to before... and during, your trip."

"Wait... during?" Naruto asked, slightly stunned.

"Yes. Konoha, Suna, Wave, Snow, Demon, Bird, Tea and Vegetable Country from before you left, then using a special method I can't tell you about, she went to Lightning, Earth and the other small countries after you left. The other part was a condition of losing... Hinata defeated me about 6 weeks after you left... then balded my pussy with her bare hands."

Naruto gasped is shock."You mean after Hinata beat someone she..." Naruto stopped, unable to say it.

"I ripped every single hair from her pussy, wove it into a square and added it to my coat. I eliminated all my rivals for you Naruto-kun..." Hinata said happily and smiled broadly. "Now Tsunade will promote you to Jonin like me, we can get married, then she'll step down and make you the Sixth Hokage... isn't that GREAT?" Hinata exclaimed then hugged Naruto tightly, her large breasts squashed against his chest, a small orange book visible in her pocket.

Naruto returned Hinata's hug mostly on reflex, but was staring at Tsunade almost blankly. 'Uh, yes... great." In his mind Naruto could hear Kyuubi laughter, and could almost see the giant demon fox rolling around the floor of its cage.

Tsunade just shrugged and mouthed 'Sorry brat... and congratulations' to him, and smirked briefly at his 'why me' expression.

x

(the bad ending)

x

"I ripped every single hair from her pussy, wove it into a square and added it to my coat. I eliminated all my rivals for you Naruto-kun..." Hinata said happily and smiled broadly. "Now Tsunade will promote you to Jonin like me, we can get married, then she'll step down and make you the Sixth Hokage... isn't that GREAT?" Hinata exclaimed then threw out her arms to hug Naruto... and froze in shock when he grabbed her arms.

"You did that to every girl I met because you saw them as a rival?" Naruto asked sternly, Hinata nodded nervously. "I thought I knew you, I thought you were a nice, sweet girl... but then, you never knew me either." Naruto said with a devious smile... then drove his right knee up between Hinata's thighs with incredible power. Hinata's eyes bugged out, her jaw went slack, then she went limp as she was laid on the floor.

Hinata was almost literally blinded by agony, she'd never felt such pain, as she focused on Naruto, Naruto was suddenly engulfed in smoke.

"My name isn't Naruto... it's Naruko, I'm a girl." Said the now huge breasted, female Naruko. "So I guess I qualify for that challenge too." Naruko said, yanked down Hinata's pants and panties, exposing her huge, blue bush above large, hairless lips... Naruto grabbed Hinata's blue thatch, and with a single yank, balded her. "I guess that makes you, my bitch now." Naruko said and smiled sadistically. "Now stand up and get those clothes off Juggs-sama."

Tsunade cringed in fear and nodded, Hinata passed out cold as tears ran down her cheeks.

x

End


End file.
